This weekend made me realize how carefully porno films are choreographed. The reality of three people trying to get it on without stage direction and minimum communication is chaotic in the extreme. Add to that copious quantities of cheap red wine, and petty jealousy and you have a recipe for disaster. Not for us, the smooth thrusting transition between one greedy orifice and another; the wriggling tongues and exchanged bodily fluids; the climactic orgasm and wailing screams of ecstasy. No. This was something completely different. And as I write, it is with trembling fingers and a sick, empty feeling in my stomach. You know how it is when you wake up and suddenly remember that something awful has happened?
However let me go back to when this started, and rather than give some garbled account of events just passed, let me try and put this in some sort of chronological order and leave you to judge. I’m afraid this account will take a little while to tell, since it has been going on since the start of the year and even now has not run its course. In many ways this explains my recent absence from dA and my lack of interest in my usual activities and friends. I ask in advance for your forgiveness.
It was the New Year’s Eve party when I first met the man who I shall refer to from now on as Justin. Justin was good looking enough, and I did fancy him. However it was more the fact that I had gone to the party with a sense of purpose and wild excitement in mind, and Justin was the nearest approximation to that idea. We were talking and dancing, and he obviously fancied his chances. I’d already found out that he had a girlfriend, and I was never going to go to bed with him. Still one thing led to another and I found myself in a bit of a sticky situation, snogging with him alone in a bedroom, Justin had an obvious hard on, and I was determined to do the right thing.
A few points though. Firstly, any decent guy will always have a girlfriend lurking around, but if she’s not there she doesn’t count. Secondly, if a guy is coming on too strong, any girl will probably invent her boyfriend-even if she hasn’t got one. And thirdly, what would any self-respecting girl do?
I guess to know that, you’d have to go and find one and ask her. What I did was I push him onto the bed, unzip his flies and whip out his you-know-what. I put my hand over his mouth, told him to: “Shut up”, and proceeded to give him a hand job. I kid you not, my lips did not once make contact. He struggled towards the end. Maybe he had the idea he was going to try and shove it in my mouth or stick it inside me. But I was having none of it. I just carried on determinedly. I even had the foresight to roll up his tee-shirt and expose his stomach. He was a little bit paunchy, but it provided a large enough area to aim at when he finally emitted a loud groan and sputtered out a couple of teaspoons of thick gloop. It didn’t even count as sex really, and I left him to clear up the mess.
I skipped out of the bedroom with a big cheesy grin and re-joined the party. It was approaching twelve o’clock and everyone was merry and drunk. I started talking to a girl who had arrived called Ellie. We were talking about books, and bitching about the hostess, and had just started on other things when the countdown started. We were all holding hands, and my eyes were all gleaming and filled with light and happiness. It really was a moment when I was filled to bursting, and when the chimes of Big Bell sounded and everyone wished everyone else a Happy New Year I kissed her.
You know the difference when someone kisses you back? It wasn’t that the kiss lasted for that long; it was just that it was timeless, all soft and melting, filled with restrained passion, hinting at something deeper and wonderful. And afterwards we looked in each others eyes and neither of us could stop ourselves from smiling. However, we were pulled apart by other well-wishers, everyone kissing everyone else. I saw her at one point looking back over her shoulder at me, and then she was gone.
You’ve probably guessed how this ends. The way that parties fracture and disintegrated, the way a point is reached, when you know it’s time to go. It’s like the way migrating birds decide of one mind to take to the skies, or shoals of fish turn at exactly the same time. By half twelve there was a mass exodus and everyone was going. I was hoping to get one of the taxis, when I ran into Ellie. She gave me such a warm smile I could feel myself melt. I was just going to ask for her phone number when I noticed who was standing next to her.
“You’re a really sweet kisser,” said Ellie a little dismissively. “I don’t believe you’ve met my boyfriend.”
“I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure,” I stammered, turning red as a beetroot.
Justin just stood there and grinned at me awkwardly. I said nothing, and peered at the white stains on his tee-shirt. It was not what you would call the most auspicious start to a relationship. I quickly made my excuses and fled the scene.